100+ Funny New Year Quotes & Wishes 2023

2022 has been different for all of us. 365 days come with a multitude of experiences, both pleasant and unpleasant.

Although we cannot control what happens to us in life, we can strengthen ourselves with certain tools.

Humor is part of it. No matter how you feel about the new year, these funny new year quotes and wishes are sure to have you laughing.

They’re also great for sharing with friends and writing on cards for a fun touch.

• Funny New Year Quotes
• funny new year wishes

Funny New Year Quotes

“First you have a drink, then the glass takes a drink, then the glass takes you.”
— Scott Fitzgerald

“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you have to.
— Bill Vaughn

“I would say ‘Happy New Year’, but it’s not happy; it’s exactly the same as last year except it’s colder.
— Robert Clark

“He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; whoever makes one is a fool.
— Farquhar McGillivray Knowles

“My New Year’s resolution was to stop saying to myself, ‘Here you go, girl’.”
— Zach Galifianakis

“Stir the eggnog, raise the toddy, happy new year everyone.”
— Phyllis McGinley

“The New Year is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anyone except as a scapegoat for libertine drunks, friendly calls, and prank resolutions.”
— Mark Twain

“Last year’s resolution was to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Only 30 books to go.
— Anonymous

“Many years ago, I decided never to bother with New Year’s resolutions, and I’ve stuck to them ever since.”
— Dave Beard

“Tonight, December thirty-first, something is going to explode… Listen, it is midnight, dear children. Duck! Here’s to another year!”
— Ogden Nash

“My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.”
— Anonymous

“I haven’t made any New Year’s resolutions. The habit of planning, criticizing, sanctioning and shaping my life is too daily for me.
— Anais Nin

“If you want an interesting party, combine cocktails and a new box of crayons for everyone.”
— Robert Fulghum

“May the New Year bring you the courage to break your resolutions sooner!” My own plan is to renounce all kinds of virtues, so that I may triumph even when I fall.
— Aleister Crowley

“New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies that don’t want you to reuse last year’s calendar.”
— Unknown

“The most fun part of a new year is making new resolutions. I’m sure you have one too. Let me know your resolution, and I’ll try not to laugh like I did Last year.
— Unknown

“Come on, gentlemen, I hope we drink up all the wickedness.”
— William Shakespeare

“Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?”
— Ogden Nash

“I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.”
— Unknown

“I’m a little older, a little wiser, a little rounder, but still not wiser.”
— Robert Paul

“Every New Year, I ask myself the same question: ‘How did I get home?'”
— Melanie White

“Deep breaths are very helpful on shallow evenings.”
— Barbara Walters

“You know how I always dread all year round? Well, this time I’m only going to dread one day at a time.
— Charlie Brown

“I can’t believe it’s been a year since I became a better person.”
— Anonymous

“The good behavior throughout the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you are so drunk that you kiss the person you are married to.
— PJ O’Rourke

“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.”
— Joey Adams

“My list of New Year’s resolutions usually starts with wanting to lose between 10 and 3,000 pounds.”
— Nia Vardalos

“New Year’s Day is now the time to make your usual good year’s resolutions. Next week you can start paving hell with them as usual.
— Mark Twain

“Good resolutions are only checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.”
— Oscar Wilde

“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you have to.
— Bill Vaughan

“I’m still the same person as last year, now I’m just hungover.”
— Unknown

“It wouldn’t be New Years if I didn’t have regrets.”
— William Thomas

“New Year’s resolution: to tolerate fools more willingly, as long as it doesn’t encourage them to take up more of my time.”
— James Agate

“‘Out with the old, in with the new’ is an apt phrase for a vomit-based holiday.”
— Andy Borowitz

“This New Year, I was going to make a resolution to never be late again, but I didn’t wake up until January 2.”
— Melanie White

“Happiness is too many things these days to wish anyone lightly. So let’s just wish a bile-free New Year and leave it at that.
— Judith Christ

“May your dreams come true as well as your bills. Good luck in the new year, my dear.
— Unknown

Funny new year wishes

Sorry for all the annoying behavior I’ve done throughout the year. May you give me another chance to do so in the new year!

• What’s your plan for the 31st night? Mine is to check all the bookmarks I added to my browser in 2022. Happy New Year 2023!
• May the new year bring you the courage to break your resolutions sooner! My own plan is to renounce all kinds of virtues in order to triumph even when I fall!
• Let’s celebrate this New Year’s Eve in honor of the time we have successfully lost this year.
• I would say Happy New Year but it’s not happy; it’s exactly the same as last year except it’s colder.
• Let’s not spend New Year’s Eve trying to figure out where to spend New Year’s Eve.
• I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
• They say that pain and tears help you be stronger, so I wish you more tears and pain. For you to become even stronger than last year. Happy new year!
• To a new year full of new possibilities, though I’m sure we’ll be doing the same old stuff anyway.
• I promise you that this year too, I won’t let you do anything stupid on your own.
• Sorry for all the annoying behavior I did last year. May you give me another chance to do it again in the new year!
• Hope you don’t spend the first day of the new year sleeping on the couch. May God give you the strength to fight laziness. Happy new year!
• I worked hard and long all year, and now I can officially say that I successfully lost 365 days. Happy new year!
• No need for resolutions to get in shape this year. The round is a shape, and you are perfectly one. Happy new year!
• Happy new year! I promise you that this year will be exactly the same as the last, you will be just a little older. Cheers!
• I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since I decided to become a better person and haven’t done anything about it. Happy new year!
• I want to start this year with a clean slate, with no hard feelings or hard feelings. So here’s your chance to excuse me. Happy new year!
• I wish you a new year filled with new challenges, new problems and more pain and tears. I mean, I just want you to grow and become a stronger person. Happy new year!
• Here’s to another fantastic year of making new memories, new secrets we’ll take to the grave, and New Year’s resolutions we’ll never keep. Happy new year!
• New Year’s resolutions always fail because people aim too high. You have to start small, something like “I’ll do my best not to eat a whole family pizza by myself once a week”. Happy new year!
• Here’s to an amazing new year that we’re starting a little older, a little fatter, and somehow no wiser. Happy new year!
• New Year’s is great, but I’ve never seen the point of all those New Year’s resolutions. I mean, I’m so perfect already. Happy new year!
• A new year and a new opportunity to repeat old mistakes in innovative ways! Happy new year!
• My New Year’s resolution is to dream more. Guess that means I’m going to need a lot of sleep.
• The coming New Year is no joke. It’s just funny.
• I hope the new year is fruitful and attractive. Like bananas. I love bananas.
• This year, I resolved to remember why I entered the room.
• May your New Year smell like a new car and never run out of gas.
• Instead of saying “Happy New Year”, couldn’t we just divide that into months? You know, like, “Happy January!” I work better with smaller tasks.
• This year, may your dough flow and your skin shine! Happy New Year with love and laughter!
• If New Years was an infomercial, I’d throw in another one for the price of shipping! Hope 2023 delivers!
• The new year is going to be sweet like a big bite of your favorite ice cream! Don’t let it freeze your brain!
• Happy new year! I don’t know about you, but my New Year’s resolution is to stop feeling guilty about breaking last year’s resolution.
• Wise, kind, gentle, generous, beautiful. But enough about me, here’s to you – Happy New Year!
• Before accepting 2023, I need to see some terms and conditions.
• Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you have to.
• It’s time to make old mistakes in different ways. Hooray! Happy new year!
• I’m going to order a pizza five minutes before new years and when they arrive I’ll say I ordered this a year ago lol.
• Happy New Year from someone who is adorable, beautiful and smart and always wants to see you smile.
• My wish is that this year you fulfill your New Year’s resolutions, especially those you made at the beginning of last year. Happy new year!
• Have a carefree New Year’s Eve and a hangover-free New Year’s Eve.